I didn't know her name as I sat on the stool at the Wayside Café. But there she was lugging around a dish pail. Her brow drenched in sweat, her eye make up running, and her bum drooping. You could tell she had something good going for her if nothing else serious determination and grit. So I just knew I had to at least make friends with her. But my all the guy's that hung around her, how was an old tow trucking gearhead like ye ole Cooter here going to gain the attention of someone like her? I had to hatch a Boss Hogg style plan if I was ever going to at least get her to land near me. Well after all I did need some help at the Boars Nest. Ye I took that over after Boss Hogg died a few years ago. Boss Roscoe at least it is now Boss Roscoe since JD's whole empire went to Roscoe at JD's passing. As she was nearing, I caught a star in her eyes, and then asked this part queer guy. whose name is Guy, who she is? He sezz her name is Nancy. For once a simple name, and a not so simple girl or woman as I was getting to soon know. Now it's not grand ethics in the business community to recruit help for ones own business from another's business, but hey Nancy kicked in my after burner so I just had to try. So I pitched the idea whilest my drawers had pitched a tent under the counter. Nancy sezz I'll come over yonder to see ya'll in the morning. Okay shoot, morning, if I get up before noon its because of going towing, the house burning down, having to piss, or an act of God or Congress which any more is difficult to distinguish from. I went home thinking she'll never show. She's going to pull up to Cooter's Rode House, here as dumpy as it is and think this shit tain't fer real. She'll leave, but hey she actually showed up. Got out and came in. It was a hot morning. Her black leather pants so tight I could take sight of everything that was required and then some. She had on this Chocolate swim suit top and a slightly carmel colored bra on, reminded me of the line from one of old Jeff Foxworthy's bits, you know if you're a redneck if you wear a strapless top with a bra that has straps. Although Nancy didn't have much more than little mole hills for jugs what was there was nicely equipped. Her legs were long but not too lean, like ya'll know us kountry guy's love our calves a bit on the fat side, and calves that go moo is not what I'm tawking about, copy? She even had go-go boots on, and I wondered could she have nylon hose on underneath? I did try to see, but I let it be, didn't want to scare off this doe deer to quickly, if at all. Oh I knowed I had other fellers to compete with. Heck just about every single guy and redneck in the area was after her. Bein a free spirit like she is, is kinda hard to resist. She said she hadn't been watchin the Dukes, at least not recently, but she did see the movie, ah fooey, someone ought to have pulled Jessica Simpsons blonde hair out for the crappy job she did on that movie. And that idiot they cast to play me, can you believe that? Only the tow trucks were close to the colors of my draggin wagons. Nancy left that afternoon. But there was footloose and fancy free coming up sooner than a fish schooner.
More next time, excerpts from the Book-of-Cooter here in the Hazzard County Journal.
